Emotional Mastery Who?

Hey girl hey!

My name is Jardel and I've been a part of the DearGirls team for over a year (time flies when you're having fun). I currently study Psychology at university and work at a child protection facility in my “free” time. I also run a luxury handmade lip gloss business called Cocoa Cosmetics, feel free to check us out @cocoacosmeticsuk on Instagram. I've had the business for about 8 months, and I'm amazed at, not only the growth in the business but also in my skillset and my business mindset. I also play an active role in my local church as a youth and worship leader: @newjigniteyouth.

But onto the main topic of this blog post. Emotional mastery! When I told my friends I was writing a blog post on this topic they laughed. I'm a very emotional person. Let's start there. I cry when I'm happy, I cry when I’m sad, I cry at movies and I definitely cry in real life. But after further unpacking this revelation, I realised, I’m a person who feels deeply, in a generation that thinks it looks cool to not care about anything. I truly enjoy moments, and that makes me emotional – but in some places, it also makes you strange.

And for a long time, it was a difficult thing to deal with - being surrounded by people who didn’t express how they felt and felt uncomfortable with me expressing how I felt – so I stopped sharing.

And while this may seem a really strange place to start a blog on emotional mastery… It's the perfect place. I’m a very sociable person when I’m ready. I love meeting new people, talking to them, spending time with the people I love. In turn, there are a lot of people who see me as a friend however, I’m very specific about who I choose to be friends with.

A couple of years ago I moved out of my mom’s house to live with someone who had been my friend for years. We went to sixth form together, we'd been on holiday together, I'd stayed at her house and shed stayed at mine.

We both thought that it was a for sure win… *spoiler* it wasn’t.

During the seven months living with her, I went through every emotion possible. This isn’t an expose, but there was a huge range of emotions that we both endured. I found that my patience was tested because she wouldn’t clean on a certain day or because she wouldn’t clean the dishes after she had company – it wasn’t to say that she never did these things… she just didn’t do them at the time or in the way that I wanted her too. She had friends over who were people I might not have been friends with and conducted her lifestyle in a very different manner to me. She was frustrated because as her friend, she felt I should be accepting of her lifestyle.

However, you can’t be friends with people who have fundamentally different values.

Looking back, I’m able to see how a lack in my own personal areas of growth added fuel to a very unnecessary fire. I had lived with friends before and as a way of trying not to lose another friend I cared about I set a huuugeee number of rules and had very longwinded conversations – which, to be fair, she disregarded.

During this time, I had time to truly feel and master my emotions. Emotions in themselves are not inherently bad – even the negative ones. Incorrect actions based on emotions is what can be bad.